56 Up - here we are on 31st December 2017 – let’s see how you’ve been getting on


How have the last 7 years been for you?

It has been good - nothing outstanding in there and less to answer than in previous years. No complaints at all though as I live in the city I want to be in and I have an apartment, a job and all the options I could ask for.

Some bigger events would be having:
- some great holidays
- some time out from work
- a slight change of direction in my career
- ended a long-term relationship


What have been some of the highs and lows?

Bullying episode at work
I’ve heard about bullying and the effects it has on people and I have supported people who have been through it. But I have now experienced it myself and finally understand, in a deeper way, the impact and implications that come from it. Without any big details, the bottom line was that I ended up working with somebody who had a history of abusing people, some of which I had met and some of which I learnt about later - I was just one of them. I am aware what I could have left the situation, but stuck it out for my own reasons - I tried to be lots of different people so that I could stumble upon the person who would be left alone - but I now realise that person doesn’t exist. The longer it went on, the more weakened I became and it took over all aspects of my life, though I put in my own processes to counteract it. It nearly broke me, but I have recovered - a low point though. I am most disappointed that this person was allowed to continue what they did despite having been spoken to about it on occasions previously - that is an employer letting down their employees.

Ending relationship
I ended my longest ever relationship (5.5 years) and the build up to that and then the execution of it were difficult, but it needed to be done. Unless something is mutual, it is never going to be smooth, but I tried to do it in a way that would fit easiest with who she was and how she operates - I doubt that I was successful with that, but I did the best I could whilst considering her.

Readjusting
Having brought myself out of the relationship, I had to find the current version of myself - I try and do this as often as I can, but hadn’t done it in a while. We often fall into patterns and these don’t always allow for evolution and we end up being restricted by the limits of expectation. It is good to challenge our behaviours and attitudes and learn whether they still stand up. What I mean is that we end up continuing things because we are used to doing them - but I like to check on whether I still like those things, so that requires questioning. I just needed to be the up to date version of myself. Part of what I discovered was that I was carrying too many possessions, so I had a clear out and sold my 800 CDs and 250 DVDs. I left my various books in different cafes. I gave my unrequired clothes to charity shops. I threw out crap that I didn’t need. It felt damn good.

Moved career direction
I had been working at the same place for 10 years; the first 3 as a contractor and the last 7 as a permanent employee. As time went on, the job got harder and harder as the organisation changed and that led to expectations changing and then new people would come in and change things without understanding or appreciating what people did and what service was being provided. As things changed and budgets got tighter, my effectiveness was stretched and weakened and, worse of all, opportunities weren’t available - well, opportunities existed and were given to those who were free to take them (i.e. not busy) and not to those who deserved them or could make the most of them. And the pay wasn’t great and I ended up going the last 5 years without a pay rise, so my available spend was lessened and lessened - it was only through re-mortgaging my place that I could support my lifestyle. Eventually, I managed to manoeuvre myself into a position where I could get a redundancy package and then got myself out of there. With the payout, I took the opportunity to take 4 months off and it was a delightful break. During the subsequent 2.5 years, I have moved into a line of work that should line me up for plenty of opportunities ahead - it’s the same job as I do, but specialises in a particular aspect - that is the important part.


What are the main differences between this you and the previous you?

I am less bored than I had become - I think that there was too much established in my world and I work better when there is more of an open book and an availability for opportunity in my life. I am not ready for settling down yet, but I did seem to be heading in that direction.

I am probably less interested in casual friendships and more driven to ensuring quality of friendship and connecting better with people.

I am also more cautious about getting into a new relationship. This is more about ensuring that I am back to myself and open to be myself and to engage with people without carrying any baggage from the past. Having said that, I don’t really have any baggage that I notice, but maybe that is because it is camouflaged within me.


Have your friendship groups altered?

They’ve grown - having changed jobs a couple of times, there are lots of new people. Being out of the relationship, there is space and time to develop new and existing relationships/friendships.

Meeting people is easy, but bonding with them is tougher, so I like to feel aware as to whether a person is somebody that is a positive addition to my world.

I choose what to invest myself into and the choice of people is big. As I tend to be the one who initiates catch-ups, it is easier to let some drop off, through obviously people can make the effort when they feel the need or desire. I like things to be fluid but also regular - I tend to balance myself by checking who I haven’t seen for a while and then lining them up with gaps in our schedules.


What hasn’t been great and/or what would you change?

Hurting my ex when finishing the relationship wasn’t a great feeling, but it had to be done, so nothing I could change about that.

Having had my heart broken in a subsequent relationship wasn’t great, but I wouldn’t change being in that relationship. Knowing what transpired means that if I had my time again, it would have played out very differently. The issue came from the timing of things.

The bullying at work is another thing that I don’t think I could change - it was more to do with who they were than what I said or did. I could have lessened the impact with the knowledge I now have, though the tools to handle it have mainly come from going through it.


Why are people your friend?

I still dislike this question as I really don’t have the information to answer it. My immediate response is that;
- I am available
- I am interested in others
- I can be good fun
- I can be interesting.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you?

8.5


What are you proudest of?

Ending my previous big relationship because it would have been easier not to.

Remaining open and positive about people after being bullied almost into submission.

Remaining open and available (after some self analysis) after being out of the dating world for so long.

Joining the Fitted for Work not-for-profit organisation as a mentor. They (we) support women who are suffering disadvantage and are trying to join or rejoin the job market. This involves practical advice as well as covering whatever their needs are.

Creating my online projects. My mind has been active in coming up with themes and I am proud of all that I have created - I have, over my life, had many ideas that I’ve liked, but only now have I actually really followed through with them.


What do you like to do with your time?

Spend time with friends - sharing food, drink and conversation.

Also going to different events - it is nice to share some shows, but I also like going alone. When alone, I have the flexibility to react to my moods - I have turned up to a gig and decided that I am not in the mood for it and taken myself somewhere else instead - that can’t really happen when you are with somebody else. I also have the flexibility to leave if I’m not in the mood or not enjoying a show - that is a lovely freedom to have.

I have dedicated time to mentoring for/through Fitted for Work - that is rewarding.

Creating my online projects:

2011
- Coffee: a photograph of each of the 1082 coffees I drank during 2011 - it was my first foray into an image based project and I am very happy with the results.

2012
- Doors: photographs of interesting doors I encountered.
- Diary: photos of people and places encountered.
- Faces: close up photos of faces encountered.
- Fines: started in 2012, this is a place where I document people who have, in my eyes,  been guilty of indiscretions that I have seen - and I fine them a suitable amount.

2014
- Photo-bumming: taking photos of me with bottoms!
- Eyes: close up photos of eyes.
- Happiness: I saw somebody do a ‘20 days of happiness’ project where each day, they stated what had made them happy that day. I took that idea where for each day (for 100 days), I logged something that had made me happy, but not really from that day, but from a day in my life.
- Words: For each day (over 150 days), I shared a quote from somebody.

2015
- Countdown: 2015. Though nobody knew what the countdown was for, I began posting a song memory, asked a question and named the day - for 100 consecutive days. When I reached day 1, I revealed that was the day that I became 20,000 days old.

2016
- My Quote. I wrote a quote and got friends to write a word on a board and be photographed holding it. They only knew that word. When I had all the words, I rearranged them to spell out the quote.

2017
- Time machine: I came up with (in detail) the 100 events that I would visit with a time machine - on the premise that it is only to observe, not be seen and I couldn’t have an impact.
- Up and high: Photographs of things up high


What new items do you own and care about?

My new scooter. I have got rid of most things and don’t really have much in terms of material possessions that have any value to me.


What has changed you and what lessons have you learnt?

Don’t try and go back to old versions of myself but be the current me - always. When I finished my relationship, I went back to what I was doing before it - so that was ignoring any evolution over 5.5 years. The lesson was to discover who I was now and not try and be what I had been previously.

I am in control of what I accept and what I reject as influences. I take responsibility for my actions e.g. I can’t blame the other person for me being bullied when I chose to stay in that environment - they were being who they were and doing what they do - my involvement was my choice. And by accepting that, I could evaluate and learn from it.


How much have you achieved/accomplished?

Career change - this came from being given an opportunity and grasping it.

Worked through some interesting work behaviours - this came from my position in work and observing many situations and attitudes and recognised what personal characteristics/issues were driving actions and what the outcomes were generated, both intentionally and indirectly.

Not worried too much about being liked. I am a normal person and do like to be liked, but I have come to accept that I can’t always control that. So I ensure that I am authentic in being genuine and respectful - if people don’t like me, then they are doing so on experiencing who I am, so their decision is right for them and isn’t really a reflection of who I am - just their perception of me.


What new skills have you developed?

I have developed mentoring skills from both education and experience.

I have developed additional people skills through observing the interaction of others.

I have developed new work skills in how best to engage people and illicit what I need.


What main lessons from the previous you, have you incorporated into your current life?

Nothing comes to mind - I feel that I have evolved a lot and part of who I am now is who I was then - so the lessons are coded but not observable.


What do you value/care about?

Trying not to hurt anyone.
Being kind.
Being respectful.
Maintaining a good work/life balance.
Not taking things too seriously.


What are your desires/plans/aims/goals?

Make some plans around creating my will and what needs to be documented should anything happen to me. I also need to understand where I stand in terms of how I will survive when not earning anymore. These are rare thoughts about something beyond now.

Seek out a wider variety of activity - music is great, but there is so much more to experience.


What are your negatives?

I am not delusional and am well aware that I have positives and negatives. Some folk like me and others feel quite the opposite. It is hard to know what my negatives are, but I know they are there.

I think that others might mention ‘my lack of emotion’ - I am very much a person where my mind manages the world and emotions take a back seat. I still feel empathy and do care, but I have an unclouded view of the world - I have a practicality that can be annoying to some. Then again, I tend to give good advice as I assess things in a different way.


What are your motivations?

Just to have fun and enjoy my friends.

I also am motivated to keep a clear distinction between work and non-work time - I don’t like work to intrude in my world. As I tend to work on projects, there are busier times when there is more work to do - I put in the effort but decline to work from home - I’d rather stay in the office late so that work stays out of my home. When I am really busy at work, I make a concerted effort to go out every night - this ensures that no day only contains work - without that, I might think about work when I should be going to sleep - I like a social buffer from that. The only time this didn’t work was when I was suffering bullying - those feelings infiltrated all my spare moments and I couldn’t escape it.


What are your passions?

I don’t think that I have any.

I enjoy listening to podcasts and being entertained and educated - but a passion is much more than a like - it is something that pushes you towards a desire. I don’t know whether it is sad that I don’t have a passion.

Actually, I have a passion for getting out there and experiencing what is going on - I am not good at staying home - I want to be at things - music being my biggest pull.


What impacts do you think you have made?

Less and less. I think that my impact isn’t high. I provide light relief and short-term distraction, but nothing lingering.


What indoor activities do you get up to?

Wasting time on the computer - I can lose hours doing ”stuff” - the internet is full of rabbit holes that I fall down - a big culprit is YouTube - it has got to know me well and can hold my attention for too long.

Projects. I have been creative in this space over the last 7 years and am proud of what I have created.

Pilates. I have started going once a week and am feeling physically better. I have had some lower back issues throughout my life, but there is no hint of them at this time - this is a good addition to my world and probably more useful to me than yoga would be - but maybe I should introduce that too.


What outdoor activities do you get up to?

Cycling - I like to take myself out in my spare time and cycle around and watch the day. I go nowhere fast, but I am steady.

Scooting - it isn’t just the speed of getting to places, but the pleasure of heading out and tootling around and take myself to nice and interesting places.

Walking - I tend to walk home from work and can choose a number of ways to go and places to see along the way - depending on my mood. Often, the walk ends up taking me through Albert Park which is a delight. Also, on day when I am free, I like to stroll to places rather than scoot - more a summer activity or when I am enjoying a particular audio book. One day I took myself out for a walk and ended up walking the distance of a marathon – and buggered my legs as a result - but it was still an accomplishment.

Footy. I still enjoy going with friends to see Hawthorn play and over the last 7 years, they have won the Premiership 3 times (2013 to 2015). They are a wonderful collections of players - it is rare for so much talent to bloom at the same time - a pleasure to watch.


What other activities have you got up to?

I went to hear some people talk, including:
- Dalai Lama
- Chris Hadfield
- Boris Johnson
- Jack Charles
- Louis Theroux

I went to some comedy including:

- Alan Davies
- Jack Dee
- Dawn French
- Stephen Fry
- Alexie Sayle
- Jim Jeffries
- Jerry Seinfeld

I went to some other events, including:
- QI (a stage version)
- Women of Letters
- Comedy Festival

There was lots more, but I don’t want to list everything


What holidays have there been?

When I was with my ex, we had some great trips and visited:
- The US: New York (twice), San Francisco (twice), Basalt (Colorado), Las Vegas, Santa Monica
- The UK: Brighton, Bournemouth, St. Austell, Penzance, Devon, Bristol, Winchester, Windsor, London
- Australia: Gold Coast
- Europe: Paris, Barcelona
- Asia: Singapore

Plenty of good stuff in there and places I hadn’t visited before - we holidayed well and easily - what a pleasure they all were.

The trip to the UK was mainly for my nephew’s wedding in Bournemouth - a lovely event and occasion.

Another trip taken was to give myself the best day ever - I flew to Chendu (northern China) to go to a panda sanctuary and to sit with a panda - it was everything I had hoped for. Ever since being a child with a stuffed panda as my companion, this had been a dream. It was a wonderful trip - only 2 nights, but 3 great days. What a tremendous treat.

Another weekend, I took myself to Perth/Fremantle and had the pleasure of visiting the Quokka’s on Rottnest Island - what beautiful beasts they are - an absolute pleasure.


What have been your musical influences?

From going to so much live music, my influences are coming from that - when I think about the quality and variety of music that’s is around me in Melbourne, I feel so appreciative of their availability. Not only do I know so many of acts, but my taste in music has grown and I have a broader appreciation. Live music has so much more to contribute than the recorded offerings. Some people that I really enjoy seeing don’t translate so well to recorded albums. I have the pleasure of enjoying both mediums.

I am not going to list out the many acts that I have seen live and enjoyed over the last 7 years, but out of those, I will list out my 5 favourite local acts, Australian acts and my international acts.

Local
- Chris Wilson
- Vika and Linda
- Gallie
- Archie Roach
- Dan Sultan

Australian
- The Waifs
- Geoffrey Gurrumul
- Casey Donovan
- John Butler
- Midnight Oil

International
- Leonard Cohen
- Eddi Reader
- Yusuf Islam
- Adele
- Billy Ocean

I finally got to see B B King and it was so sad to see a hero of mine with so little to offer. Whoever allowed him to tour did an injustice to him and his public - it was sad and awful. Sadly, he has since died.

Actually, I can’t leave these out:
- Adam Ant
- Alison Moyer
- Alma Zygier
- Culture Club
- Elton John
- Human League
- Jake Bug
- James Taylor
- Joss Stone
- Kid Creole
- Lynyrd Skynyrd
- Mary Black
- Mary Coughlan
- Mavis Staples
- Pierce Brothers
- The Pogues
- Prince
- The Proclaimers
- Rodriguez
- Status Quo

I’ve also been to the Ballet and the Opera - because I can.

The Heart of St. Kilda annual event introduces me to some new acts. Exposure to new music is important. The same can be said for RocKwiz shows.