49 Up - here we are on 31st December 2010 – let’s see how you’ve been getting on


How have the last 7 years been for you?

It’s certainly been a time of change. Things have happened and, as ever, I’ve rolled with the punches. Not all events are under my control, but my reaction to them is.

Some bigger events would be:
- I was deported as an illegal immigrant
- I put forward an appeal and won
- My dad died
- I achieved Permanent Residency - and subsequently Australian Citizenship
- I took up the offer of a permanent job / career change
- I bought an apartment


What have been some of the highs and lows?

Deportation
Through the actions of the agency who were managing my visa a scary problem arose. They had applied for a new visa but then cancelled that application. Unfortunately, the request had resulted in my current visa being cancelled, but I was never informed of this. When I went to get my current visa renewed, they told me that it was closed and that I was here without a visa and was therefore an illegal immigrant. They acknowledged that it wasn’t my fault, but I’d have to leave for a week and then come back in with my new visa and all would be good.

I left as requested and was then informed that I could not return for 2 years! Talk about not being informed correctly. I was allowed one appeal against that decision and with the help of a lawyer, we put together the appeal with references from various people showing my status as a person and contributor to Australia. These references included my current job who said that they needed me back plus various people I have helped out over my time.

So I was stuck in England with most of my things in my apartment in Melbourne whilst I awaited a decision. Six weeks after leaving, I was told that it had been a success and I could return. It was a strange time not knowing where I was going to be living, how I’d get my things back, how I’d sort out my Australian situation, etc. And also thinking about where I’d live if it wasn’t to be in Australia - a time of uncertainty but what a wonderful sense of relief when it was over.

Residency/Citizenship
Having wondered about where my future would find me living, and having been deported previously, things have changed a lot. I took a permanent job with a small company situated out of the city. The reason for this was that the company said that they would support my application for Permanent Residency. It wasn’t a great job and most of the people weren’t particularly friendly - which in a company with about 20 employees, wasn’t great - but it was serving an important function to me and my future possibilities. Though the job didn’t last, it lasted until my residency had been processed and accepted. It was a very strange feeling when I received the news that it had all been approved - it was huge - something that had seemed unattainable was there - and it only took 6 months - I could live in Australia for as long as I wanted to - no dependency on an agency, job or visa - I was free to be here – wow! And then a couple of years ago, I had my citizenship ceremony and officially became an Aussie (though I have dual nationality as I didn’t have to give up my British citizenship). It feels so good to call Australia home.

Dad
I received a call letting me know that my dad had an aneurism and was in hospital. They operated the next day and my nephew called to tell me that he hadn’t survived the op. Dead at 71. I booked a flight and headed back to the UK and arrived the evening of the day of the funeral. I was ok with that as I was returning to the UK to see the living and the hoo-hah surrounding a funeral was something I was very comfortable missing out on.

The whole thing was very surreal and not really something I had contemplated. I had plenty of time on the trip over there to think about it and compartmentalise it all. I spent the time with my mum, sister, nephew and respective families and visited the cemetery before returning home. As a family, I wouldn’t say that we are particularly close, but not distant either. That is down to me more than anyone else - it seems to be how I am wired.

A couple of years after that, my sister asked whether I think about dad much and the answer shows my personality. I don’t really. My mind is very much where I am and there are no shared memories of my dad here as he never visited. So there aren’t places I pass that are places I had been with him - my world is all about what is around me and my surroundings. It is the same as when I was moving around the UK, my mind just seems to live where I am and that leaves other things out of focus.

Apartment
Out of the blue, I bought an apartment. I hadn’t been planning on doing so - it just happened. I was getting frustrated with how often my rent was going up and mentioned this whilst out for dinner with friends. One of my mates mentioned that a few apartments were going up for sale (i.e. being released) in her block the next day, so I went along for a look and liked the places and the location. The day after I went to the bank who approved a loan and the day after I made an offer for an apartment that was accepted. So on the Tuesday I hadn’t even thought about buying and three days later, I had somewhere. It is a small and simple place but I like it and it feels right - I now have my own cave.

Career
Having been an IT professional for my working life, I had often wondered how I could get out of it and do something different. I started as a Computer Operator, then a Programmer, then an Analyst Programmer. Back in 2005, I took a role that led me to being a Development Manager and soon after that I took a role in the same organisation that led to being offered a role as a Business Analyst. And that is what I now am - a place that suits me much better. I work with the business to understand their aims and needs and determine the best solution to help them achieve their ambition. I then work with IT or Vendors to get systems altered to support the solution. And I get paid for that - unbelievable. So I have a permanent job with an ok salary - a drop from where I was but that is the nature of things.


What are the main differences between this you and the previous you?

As a person, I don’t feel like I am that different.

Having said that, my situation and circumstance are different. Though I have worked in only 3 different organisations, I have held 8 different positions/roles - my current being a permanent one. I have lived in 3 places - my current being a permanent one. I am in a relationship. I have Australian citizenship.

So though I wasn’t looking for it, I seem to have landed on some stability - it will be interesting to see how this plays out as it isn’t usually how I roll - maybe it will sit well with me - I will find out over time. I have met a lot of new people and my social life is buzzing. A difference would be that I spend more time with friends than before, but that is because I have a lot more of them. Music is still a huge part of my world and my knowledge of who is who and who to see has increased, but that doesn’t change me as much as change what I do.

Another reason that I do a lot more is because I now have a scooter and can get further afield and also between things so much easier.

I am trying to think how I am different to the me of 7 years ago and I am struggling to think of any ways.


Have your friendship groups altered?

One of the jobs that I had was incredibly social and I made some great mates through it and whilst on the project, we were out a lot and that has continued - it was a great period and some top friends made.

The same applies to my current job, but some of the people were in both as it is within the same organisation.

During this period, I have also dabbled in internet dating and met some lovely women, some of which have become friends - that has all been very interesting. I met my current girlfriend through the internet and that seems to be going well.

During the last 18 months of this relationship, I have probably met fewer new people than usual, but that is down to my time being limited and there being a full diary. But there is a drop off in the random meetings that used to happen - it is a shame as it is exciting to discover somebody whilst out and about and the potential friendship that can follow. Most of my catch-ups with friends are one-on-one over dinner - the most rewarding conversations come from one-on-one meetings.


What hasn’t been great and/or what would you change?

There’s been some down parts, but they were necessary to get to where I am now.

My deportation experience was difficult - over 6 weeks of uncertainty not knowing where I would be or what my options were. It was nice to spend time in the UK and to catch up with folk, but a difficult time other than that.
How could I have changed it? I would have started work on my residency when I first arrived in Australia rather than be dependent upon visas and who held them.

The job I took to get my residency. It was not great as a job based upon the culture of the place - I was an outsider and would have remained so, however long I had been there - luckily that turned out to be only 6 months.
How could I have changed it? I’m not sure there was anything I could have done, but I have no regrets about taking the job as it has resulted in my residency and that is priceless.

Dad dying. I know that if everything goes according to plan, then your parents die first, but I hadn’t really thought about it actually happening. It was inevitable but came as a shock.
How could I have changed it? Obviously I couldn’t, but it would have been nice to have had a proper chat prior.

Broken friendships. I have had some friendships break over the years and I look at a couple from the last 7 years and it upsets me as they are people I liked and never meant to do anything to break that. But I have done or said things that have resulted in the end of those friendships.
How could I have changed it? I don’t actually know what I did on either occasion, so I can’t change it, but whatever it was, it was unintentional.


Why are people your friend?

This is still a question that I can’t answer. Whatever my positives, a characteristic that is probably more prominent in my current friendships is being supportive. I feel that my ability to listen and question and advise has been a positive feature of some of my friendships.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you?

With all the highs and lows that have occurred, over the 7 year period, I am probably at 7.5. But if I am to score for today, then I am at a 9.


What are you proudest of?

As ever, how well I have rolled with the punches - I am pleased that I deal with what is happening and now what might happen.

I am proud of the websites and support I have provided to others.

I am proud of some of the work I have produced.

I am proud of some of my projects e.g. indigenous, time capsule and list.

The indigenous one came about as I was to understand a bit about the issues there are around the indigenous population of this beautiful country. What the Aboriginals have been through and continue to go through is appalling, but I couldn’t grasp the history and evolution of these issues. They have lived on and managed this land for 60,000 years and in 250 years they have been trampled on, murdered and had their way of life unavailable to them through white domination. Some truly awful events have happened - many by the British settlers, but that has continued though the creation of Australia. There isn’t too much talk about it and it is hard to understand the situation and how it developed, so I set about trying to capture the situation pre-whites arrival, the result of arrival, and the post-white impacts. A difficult task and though my results are naive and not intellectual complete, I created a view of the situation that I am proud of having captured.
(A couple of years ago, the Government finally made an official apology to the indigenous people and for all the wrongs inflicted upon them. It was a momentous day and should have happened a long time before. I went to hear the speech at an indigenous Centre as I wanted to share the experience with those most impacted - it was very emotional. Unfortunately, since then, nothing seems to have happened or changed, which makes such a big gesture just that - a gesture - where is the action that was promised? It is needed.)


What do you like to do with your time?

I have been in a relationship for 18 months and my weeks are spent in 2 parts, weekends that I spend with her and weeks when she does her own thing and so do I. So my weeks are busy catching up with folk and going to things whereas the weekends are much quieter times.

I spend some of my weekends taking her delightful dog for walks or just playing around with him - he is good company and we get on well.

I still manage a few websites, but my interest in that is waning - in some ways it is beginning to feel more like a chore.

I am working a 4 day week, so I have every Thursday off. On those days, I’ll head off for a cycle and soak up Melbourne or I might scoot off somewhere and just explore or go for a long ride.

With my current job being permanent and the purchase of my apartment, I don’t have the same cash to play around with, so I have to be more selective in what I choose to do.


What new items do you own and care about?

My scooter - a life changer.

My apartment - including the furniture I purchased to kit it out.


What has changed you and what lessons have you learnt?

With my deportation experience and the death of my grandmother and a cousin, I am reminded to make the most of today - enjoy today because that is where you are. Don’t end up regretting not having made the most of it.

Not saving for a better day - I have become conscious of treating every day the same - no special occasions. Each day starts with the same potential, so don’t limit its potential. Don’t think that you will dress down as there is nothing planned - that is making the statement that the day is less than other days - no day serves that.

I used to look at gigs/shows and determine which tickets to buy and sometimes would get cheaper ones and be further toward the back. And when I get to the gig, I regret it and think that’s for $x more, I could be sitting in a great place. I don’t think about the total cost of the ticket, but the difference between a great seat and a lesser seat. By choosing to reduce the spend, I end up reducing the experience - I have decided that I should make the most of each event and invest in allowing it to be as good as I can make it - within reason.

Another thing I have learnt is that I would rather get to a gig/show early and queue and therefore have a better choice of position and, as a result, have a better night. Getting there later and ending up in a worse place is not ideal, so being early is an investment in the potential of the experience.

I have learnt that good things result in good things. I have done a lot to help others over my time in Australia and when I needed to prepare my appeal against my deportation, a lot of good karma came back in regards to statements people made in writing as well as in person - it was a lovely (but also embarrassing) experience.

In 2007, somebody asked whether I was going to make any new year’s resolutions. It is not something I would normally do, but I thought that I would try. After pondering for a while and coming up with some things I would do, I began to ponder on why I hadn’t already done those things. This pondering led me to look at what I could change about myself that would allow me to be somebody who would do the things that I wanted to do i.e. look at what it was about me that had stopped me doing them already. It was a very interesting subject to consider. The result was that I started a list of behaviours and attitudes to be aware of and to address - a list of “do this”, “don’t do that”, “think about this”, “consider that” type of things. It became my sort of personal charter and as I addressed a particular behaviour, I would delete it from the list. I last updated the list a couple of years ago and it was refreshing to remember how much had been deleted already. A selection of 20 items from that old list are listed below - I guess that these are all things I have learnt - or maybe not learnt, but am conscious of.
- Accept that it's "just their nature"
- Aim for further than you wish to go
- Always trust your instincts
- Answer the question that you know is being asked
- Don't dwell too long on failure
- Don't let annoyances fester - understand and address them instead
- Don't believe all that you hear
- Encourage people
- Invite experience and embrace adventure
- Just because you want something, doesn't mean that you deserve it
- Keep confidences
- Keep your head up and look around
- Make extra time to do the things that make you happy
- Many things are none of your business - recognise them
- Saving something for a special occasion limits the potential of now
- Smile and enjoy the reaction that it returns
- Stay 5 minutes longer than you want to
- The world moves at it's own pace, so don't get frustrated because it's pace is different to yours
- You can listen without giving an opinion, answer or resolution
- You don't have answers - you have opinions based upon what you know up to this time


How much have you achieved/accomplished?

I learnt how to ride a scooter and other than writing off my first one out after 9 days, it has been a life-changer - so much fun and so practical.

I survived my deportation and switched things around to gain permanent residency.

I managed to change careers into something that suits me well.

I have bought an apartment and turned it into a nice home.


What new skills have you developed?

I can ride a scooter. I think that is about it.


What main lessons from the previous you, have you incorporated into your current life?

Being open to the moment - taking whatever opportunities or adventures come my way.

Choose to be kind to people - unless they’re knobs.

Knowing that if I want things to happen, then the best option is to arrange it myself.

Only making decisions on things at the time that a decision needs to be made.

Embracing adventures.

Engaging with people.


What do you value/care about?

Friends.

Making the most of each day.

My work-life balance.


What are your desires/plans/aims/goals?

Nothing planned - everything is quite settled and going along nicely. I don’t have anything that I am aiming for.


What are your negatives?

I spend my weekends with my girlfriend, so I miss out on opportunities - it sometimes makes me sad to be unavailable. And as my weekends are unavailable, I am pretty much booked out during the week, so I have less flexibility and opportunity for impulsive acts.


What are your motivations?

To be stimulated, intrigued and entertained.

Ensuring that the blank pages don’t stay that way for long.


What are your passions?

Being out and about. Being busy. Going to live music. Spending time with my girlfriend (and her dog). Cycling on my days off - for pleasure rather than anything practical, though it works for both.


What impacts do you think you have made?

Creatively, creating and managing the websites that I do for others - by doing so, I have allowed others to have an online presence.

I have been supportive of friends and work colleagues, including some unofficial mentoring. I offer opinion when asked, but a listening ear when that is what is needed.


What indoor activities do you get up to?

Watching more TV nowadays - it bores me, but my girlfriend likes to watch stuff, so I play with the dog as a distraction – and her cat too - but I am much more a dog person.

When I’m home - which isn’t too often, I still spend a lot of time on the computer - catching up on stuff, updating websites, etc. I can lose hours on that thing.

Reading. I have enjoyed the Harry Potter books. I have also reread some books that I loved when I was younger but none had nearly the impact that they had upon first read. This makes sense as it has a lot to do with who I was when reading them the first time – it is often the time and place that can make a book have an impact – rather than the book alone. Books can give you what you need, but what you need changes.


What outdoor activities do you get up to?

I love heading out for a cycle on a sunny day, there is nothing better - and so many nice places to stop for a coffee as I am out and about.

On my Thursdays off work, I like to head out into the country and visiting places with less people around.

I enjoy walking home from work and taking diversions. Now that I live near St. Kilda, I often wander through Albert Park on my way home and that is a delightful place.

It is always enjoyable taking the dog for a walk. He’s a bit unpredictable where meeting other dogs, so I aim to take him places where that isn’t a distraction.

I enjoy heading to the footy with friends to watch my team, Hawthorn.


What holidays have there been?

When I was deported, I had 7 weeks in the UK - now that I can look back at it, it was a holiday, though my mind was distracted with indecision as things were happening out of my control.

I then had just over a week in the UK when my dad died - so not really a holiday.

I went to Fraser Island for a long weekend to go whale watching and it was magnificent - my first encounter with those wonderful beasts - lovely part of the world to visit too.

Then I went back to the UK as I was heading to the south of France for my cousin’s wedding in Lorgues - a lovely affair and a gorgeous little town.

Since being with my current partner, we have been to Bangkok and Koh Samui.

We then went on a holiday to the UK, but a day into it, her father passed away, so she returned whilst I continued the trip alone and caught up with family and friends - not the trip we had planned, but so it goes.

And we also had a few days away up on the Gold Coast - which was a nice change.


What have been your musical influences?

Once again, there have been so many as I go out and about and go to gig after gig. And I am also involved in the music scene, so tend to hear suggestions and have exposure to all sorts of things.

I met 3 acts that I am a big fan off when they visited Australia; Glenn Tilbrook (Squeeze), Martin Stephenson and Eddi Reader. A pleasure to chat to all three though I didn’t communicate so well with Eddi - but the other 2 went well. An act who played support for Eddi on one of her visits was Kim Richey who I now like too. I also spend a bit of time with Vika and Linda as I am still involved in their business to an extent.

Local acts continue to evolve, but I still attend plenty of Chris Wilson gigs. I also go to quite a lot of Geoff Achison, Lloyd Siegel, Ash Grunwald, C W Stoneking and Tiddas gigs - though Tiddas have now broken up. I love to see the Waifs whenever they are in town. Dan Sultan is a new pleasure. And Geoffrey Gurrumul is something special. Another treat is seeing Paul Williamson (superb saxophonist) with Gil Askey. Gil as 85 now but still plays the trumpet and sings and has an infectious personality - a treat to watch these two.

I have been running Dutch Tilders website for about 3 years, so I go and see him a bit. Sadly, he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, so the shows are no more, but I will stay with it to the end as the site is people’s link to the news and how things are.

I have also got see Casey Donovan who won Australian Idol in 2004 - she is great to see but doesn’t do much - in fact, she seems to have slipped out of the limelight - by her choice.

I have seen some great International acts who have visited, but the list is big - some of them were:
Al Green, Angelique Kidjo, The B52s, Billy Ocean, The Black Keys, The Blind Boys of Alabama, The Blues Travellers, Buddy Guy, Carole King, Diana Krall, Eddie Floyd, Elvis Costello, George Michael, Gotan Project, The Holmes Brothers, James Taylor, Joan Armatrading, Jools Holland, Joss Stone, Keb Mo, Kings of Leon, Mary Coughlan, Mavis Staples, Melody Gardot, Newton Faulkner, Pink Martini, The Proclaimers, Rickie Lee Jones, Simon & Garfunkel, Simply Red, Sinead O’Connor, The Soweto Gospel Choir, Status Quo, Taj Mahal, Tom Jones and Yusuf Islam.

But the big one has been Leonard Cohen who is the person I had wanted to see more than any other. He had been out of the public eye for a few years, but he was back and touring. I’ve seen him twice and each time was magnificent - the first time, I was in the second row at a winery and it was all I had hoped for. What a great experience.

Another entry into the world of music has been the SBS music quiz called RocKwiz where each week, within the structures of the show, a different couple of musicians join and perform one of their songs with the show’s resident band and the show ends with the two of them doing a duet. The quiz part is good and it is funny and the music is often surprising. I have been to many of the recordings and each time is a pleasure and often an introduction to some new talent - though a lot of the acts are well known.

Though jazz isn’t really my thing, I did get involved with the Melbourne Women’s International Jazz Festival. I was creating them a website, but they during that process they got the offer of a professional site and obviously took that up. But it had exposed me to that world and I went to a few shows and met some fine people.