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  Friday 9th January

Woolworths, look at the date.

You have Christmas paper on sale next to Easter chocolate.

One thing at a time please.

That is $1.11 fine for your Easter impatience.

  Saturday 7th February

Turning up to a gig with your own precussion and not afraid to use it.

And you think that is acceptable behaviour?

I fine you $3.23 for your error of judgement you troll.

  Tuesday 10th February

Is it cute when parents dress their kids in similar styles? Maybe.

But what about dressing your grandparents in matching hats? And not even usual hats.

This is not a good look and receives a fine of $0.79

  Sunday 22nd February

When male angels go bad, their wings are replaced with hair.

A fine of $2.73 for showing this to the world.

  Wednesday 15th April

Sitting on a tram, I'll chat with most people.

However, this man started a weird conversation and included tales of many things that he had done - though not much of it made sense.

When he started telling me about when he was in the army and he saw a UFO land and an alien get off and shake hands with a general, I decided that he may be a nut.

So for wasting my time with so much bollocks, I fine him $0.84

  Thursday 21st May

This man was on the phone using a very loud voice, though just in conversation.

A couple of people asked him to ease up to which he spoke louder down the phone saying,
"a couple of people have asked me to be quiet, but I won't because THIS is a free country".

Some may wonder whether he's an arse, but I don't think that there is any question.

A fine of $4.13

  Friday 29th April

You are a book shop? I asked whether you had books by three different authors and the answer was "no" for each.

One of them was P G Wodehouse!

I don't think that you can call yourself a bookshop when you don't stock any Wodehouse and I fine you $0.44 for the mis-representation.

  Sunday 7th June

I don't mind that you wish to sell things using French names with English translations, but this is so unnecessary.

I fine you, how you say ... uh ... $0.79 you idiots.

  Saturday 13th June

You are a mess - your clothes, your colouring, your jewellery and worst of all .... your smell.

It is for the last one that I fine you $1.12

  Thursday 13th August

I am no chef, but I understand the basics.

For the last option in your Vegetarian section, I fine you $1.72

  Thursday 3rd September

I'm staggered at your attitude, yet you look like that.

You are a confusion and I fine you $2.00 - hopefully that doesn't leave to too short to have a haircut.

  Saturday 12th September

I don't know where to start. Your crimes are multiple but I admire your confidence. But a fine is required and that look is going to cost you $0.48

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