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  Sunday 2nd March

Hey Blueberry Cafe - $5 for a cup of tea? You've got to be kidding.

You can get stuffed you over-priced maggots.

That's a $5 fine for taking such a liberty.

  Thursday 6th March

You're on your own at the table, but you're not on your own in the cafe.

You've been talking on your phone far too loudly for far too long now.

That's a $4.82 fine you bore.

  Friday 7th March

Sometimes we need to scratch and/or rearrange our crown jewels, but that's now twice you've had both hands down there.

For showing no discretion, I fine you $3.14.

  Thursday 13th March

I went to the The Stray Sisters and these two jerks stood there chatting and ignoring the band.

I asked them to keep it down and the bloke said, "I can hear them fine - can't you?". What a prick.

Then later on he came up and said that as they had been talking around where I was, they'd take me back stage after the gig to meet the girls - as they were their cousins.

I declined their offer, but appreciated it.

But their talking was still an offence that will cost them a $2.62 each.

  Friday 28th March


I am being stared at by the son of Voldermort, but I'm not scared and I am fining him 11 Sickles and 4 knuts.

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