Apr 2012
  Wednesday 2nd May

To the person who had been in the elevator before me ..... for the smell that you left behind, I fine you $4.75

It would have been more if somebody else had got in and thought that I had generated it.

  Sunday 6th May

At Doncaster Shopping Centre and I have two things to say:

  1. bored children are vile and
  2. everyone - get out of my bloody way.

There are no fines to be dished out but I would happily pay $20 for a sharp stick.

  Thursday 10th May

555 Collins Street - in the lift to the 21st floor.

To the man who got in and the 12th floor and stood next to me with his arm touching mine - there was enough room and you didn't have to and therefore ..... I fine you $12 for not being socially aware.

  Friday 11th May

Walking past Flinders Street Station.

To the bloke who looked like he'd already been embalmed, if you're carrying an umbrella, then make sure it's under control and not hitting my leg.

For being a tosser, I fine you $10.75.

  Tuesday 15th May

96 tram heading to St Kilda.

To the girl who kindly offered me the spare seat (that I declined), there is no fine for being nice but now I feel like an old man who looks like he needs a seat.

A sad day.

  Sunday 20th May

For feeding the swans despite all the signs telling you not to, I fine you $27 on top of the official fine.

  Tuesday 22nd May

This chap is sitting next to me on the tram.

I am fining him $5 - that is $1 for each day since I estimate that he last washed.

Mate - you stink.

  Sunday 27th May

Northlands Shopping Centre.

To the girl who suddenly stopped to look at her phone (without thought nor warning) causing me to bump into her ..... that's a $4.80 fine you vague moron.

  Wednesday 30th May

Yes you have a ring through your nose - very cool.

However, the bogey hanging from it will cost you a $2 yuk fine.

Sort it out will you?

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