Thursday 12th April

To the man with the blue shirt, dodgy hair and old shoes who just stood next to me at the urinals ..... for you pissing on the floor, I fine you $10.

  Friday 13th April

To the girl with the grey sweater and black skirt who just walked into me because she wasn't looking where she was going ..... I fine you $12.

  Saturday 14th April

In Caulfield Park, to the owner of the dog that must be the size of a bison ..... for not picking up it's poo, I fine you $24.

  Monday 16th April

At work. Men's toilets. Cubicle 4.

Nothing should sound or smell like that.

To the occupant ..... I fine you $23 and demand that you return to the planet that you came from.

  Thursday 19th April

On the 96 tram going to work ..... to the German girl talking loudly on her phone for the whole journey, I fine you $7 and 1 Chinese Burn.

  Saturday 21st April

Rococo Cafe, Acland Street, St Kilda.

To this man for repeatedly sneezing into his hand, examining the output and then wiping it onto his jeans ..... I fine you $17.25.

  Monday 23rd April

At work. To the cafe on the third floor, can you please make your coffee taste of coffee. This is not your first offense. $3.60 fine to you.

  Tuesday 24th April

For some reason, all phones allow for keypad sounds to be on.

To the 30ish man on the 112 tram, for having sound on (loud) and being over the age of 6, I fine you $6.15.

Grow up.

  Monday 30th April

To the nob on the 112 tram ..... "sumfink" is not a word.

A $4.34 fine to you.

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